February is double feature month for The Fresh Brains club, so here we go...
Zombie Lake (1980) Le Lac des morts vivants
“During World War II, a group of villagers ambushed and defeated a band of German soldiers and threw their bodies in the nearby lake. Now, the Nazis have returned as angry zombies, preying on unsuspecting teenage female swimmers and skinny-dippers. The town mayor (Howard Vernon) doesn't know what to do, but a young girl may hold a crucial secret. Cult director Jean Rollin (The Naked Vampire) helmed this infamous horror film.”
With a lead like that and a poster that is a work of true zombie art, my expectations were high. That the first full seven minutes of this film are nothing but a naked woman futzing about in a lake bolstered my confidence. The first appearance of the “zombies”, however, revealed this shit stuffed rotting donkey carcass of a movie for what it really was, an abomination against God and everything Night of the Living Dead stands for. There's B-movie bad, so-bad-it's-good bad, there's unwatchable mess bad (ala Sweet Sweetback's Baadasssss Song), and now there's Zombie Lake fucking awful. There's makeup falling off zombies, underwater scenes shot in what appears to be an above ground pool, horrific dubbing, and gore that goes little beyond ketchup packets and munching noises. There's a plot, I suppose, revolving around the “head” “zombie”, who, before becoming a zombie (no clear details on the particulars), bones a local French woman, she gets pregnant, and the daughter plays an integral role in the destruction of the zombies, I guess. I can't be much more specific. I fast forwarded through most of it. That said, Boobs. In addition to the opening sequence, a soccer team of women pile out of a bus, strip, frolic, and are promptly munched to death. Also, there is a gratuitously long scene wherein the chief pre-zombie Nazi bones the chick to produce the offspring who will eventually bring about his doom. I guess that's irony.
Overall: WTF?!?!/5 brains
Acting: brick/5 brains
Plot: 0/5 brains
Gore: ketchup/5 brains
Zombie Strippers (2008), "Zombies, shit."
This stunningly brilliant piece of cinema belongs in the pantheon of motion pictures. It contains philosophy, existentialism, ontological pondering, social commentary, political satire, that guy who plays Freddy Kruger, Jenna Jameson, one shit tonne of boobs, and zombies. Awesome fucking zombies. Look, there's this plot and stuff happens. None of that matters. The first half of the movie is pretty much strippers dancing. They become zombies. The second half of the movie is those same strippers dancing, and now they're zombies. The action crescendos to a glorious climax when the pair of alpha zombie strippers square off in a battle royal featuring techniques typically reserved for Thailand. The gore is abundant and beautiful. The film weaves a tangled web of plot and drama that draws you in and holds you tight. You can practically smell the stripper vanilla. I laughed, I cried, I saw the zombie soul laid bare. When (not if) Ms. Jameson deservedly wins her Oscar, the clips they show will all come from Zombie Strippers.
Overall: 4.9/5 fresh brains
Acting: 4.9/5 fresh brains
Plot: 4.9/5 fresh brains
Gore: 4.9/5 fresh brains
Boobs: Boner/5 Zombie boners
Sorry this got long. There's so much to say when one touches either end of the zombie universe.