Sunday, February 8, 2009

Lifeforce (1985) directed by Tobe Hooper

This is posted for Isphording. We will deal with his tardiness later, but we need to get back on track. DJBJ, you're up for February. Let's get moving.

Well, as you can see, I'm not the best blogger. Here is what I can come up with...please post for record of gmail can be found. As I say, I'm just not a blogger. Synopsis:Astronauts find an alien spaceship in outer space with the 3 lifeforms in cryogenic lock. Taking the lifeforms back to merry ol' England the aliens do considerable damage on the local population....millons are turned into zombies. Proving that love conquers all the human astronaut joins spirits with the evil alien/vampire to bring about both of their destruction.

Character flaws:The lead male character might be too horny...the girl he keeps going after is turning the entire English countryside into about having baggage. Zombie defense moves:If you ever riding a helicopotor with Captain Jean Luc Picard of the Star Trek Enterprise and he starts turning into a zombie...consider jumping out of the helicopter as your defense.

Personal Comments:Reasons why Lifeforce (1985) directed by Tobe Hooper is awesome:

1. The she-alien vampire is hot and is naked most of the movie.
2. Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Star Trek Enterprise is in this movie.
3. It expands the zombie family tree This movie transcends cinema genres...horror, drama, romance, soft-core porn...and within the horror genre it crosses subgenres...aliens, vampires, zombies, soft-core porn...which makes a movie a like this have something for everyone.

HOWEVER, that being said, we are members of the esteemed "Fresh Brains Club". Not the "Bloody Fangs Club" or the "It came from outer space" club. So, to a point, is Lifeforce a Zombie movie? Humanoids do roam the steets of England in a similar manner as traditional zombies (i.e., generally mindless, various degrees of speed, hungry for flesh), but are the Lifeforce "zombies" really "zombies". Or are they lifeless vampire humanoids...and does that quailfy? Without splitting hairs, I would argue that it does qualify as a zombie movie, as well as a alien movie, and as a vampire movie. If this movie were reality and a movie like "Night of the Living Dead" was reality and the "zombies" from each were to cross paths with eachother I do not believe they would attack eachother because they would recognize eachother as zombie-kin...maybe not as close as brothers, but possibly as cousins. I hope you all enjoyed this different film with a zombie flair. I know I did.

Overall: 3/5 brains
Acting:3/5 brains
Plot: 4/5 brains
Gore:3/5 brains
Boobs:5/5 brains


Bud the CHUD said...

Well, my copy just came in the mail this week so that's my excuse for not posting earlier.

Wow, I'm not entirely sure how I feel about this one, especially considering there were only zombies in it for about 15 minutes. So as a zombie movie, I'd have to rate it pretty low. Low number of zombies, lack of any actual zombie kills, unintelligible plot, Highlanderesque special effects. That being said, it's probably the best scifi/alien/vampire/zombie movie I've ever seen. Perhaps the predecessor to Slither. And jesus christ Mathilda May is hot.

Overall: 2.1 Severed Legs

Acting: 2.3 Severed Legs
Were it not for the presence of Patrick Stewart, I'd probably score this under 2. But I'm afraid Dr Charles Xavier would make my brain explode if I did. So I think a 2.3 is fair.

Plot: 1.8 Severed Legs
I'm not really sure what the hell was going on here. Aliens, force fields, giant umbrellas, bat people, shriveled dudes, and magnificent boobs.

Gore: 0.2 Severed Legs
I actually don't remember any actual gore in this movie. Alot of blue quickening light, but no blood, no brains, no eyeballs popping, and definitely no sharks.

Boobs: 4.9 Severed Legs
Perhaps the best pair of boobs I've ever seen, and visible throughout almost the entire movie. Genius.

Zombie Ree said...

It's kind of hard to come away from this movie saying "What the fuck is this shit?" at least once. That said, I still think it's pretty sweet, for one reason. Well, two. With an almost completely incomprehensible plot, giant bat-men, shriveled zombie/vampires, and the best set of tits in horror cinema history, Lifeforce is a quagmire of good ideas gone horribly wrong.

Overall:2.0 Severed Legs

Acting: 2.0 Severed Legs
The dude that plays the astronaut is terrible. So is the SAS guy. So is just about everyone except for Patrick Stewart and the guy who played Mr. Deltoid on A Clockwork Orange. Mathilda May plays a naked alien very well.

Plot: 0.5 Severed Legs
What the fuck? The movie starts out all 2001 like, moves into a weird vampire story, goes into mind-reading and psychological thriller territory, and then ends in an apocalyptic climax that involves pseudo-zombies and people making out naked who get beamed aboard a spaceship after being impaled. Seriously...what the fuck?

Gore: 0.5 Severed Legs
The only gore is when Patrick Stewart shits blood out of his face which then reconstitutes into a naked chick.

Boobs: 5.0 Severed Legs
Mathilda May's tits carry the movie. They're the reason why I will watch this again.

Pig hearts Zed said...

I thought I knew where this was going, until all the security guards, one of which was the dude from Dead Poets Society and House, started getting man-handled by a voluptuous succubus from a giant bat-umbrella space ship. After that, it was left up to the astronaut and the chia pet head SAS colonel who really sucked at everything.

Overall: 3.14 Severed Legs

Acting: 1.0 Severed Legs
You can actually see them trying to remember their next line. Patrick Stewart was incredible.

Plot: 1.0 Severed Legs
Besides boobs, I'm not sure what the plot was. For this reason, it earned 0.5 points, the other 0.5 points was for the first 15 minutes, which actually made sense.

Gore: 4.5 Severed Legs
Ok, ok, not a bunch of gore, but when Patrick Stewart shit blood everywhere and it turned into a naked chick, I fucking laughed so hard. It was damned amazing. Whoever thought of that is probably a crazy autistic sicko, in other words, a genius. As for the zombies, they just ran around like a bunch of old people in a Golden Corral.

Boobs: 3.9 Severed Legs
Even though the TOT for boobs was high, the quantity and variety were seriously lacking. Why didn't the ginger get naked?

Pig hearts Zed said...

I think she got typecast after Lifeforce.

Bud the CHUD said...

You mean titcast. I'm going to have to rent that one now.

But holy shit, I don't know how I could have forgotten the one gory part. Hawaiian Punch shooting out of a Patrick Stewart mannequin's face. I'd like to bump up my gore score to 1.1

Pig hearts Zed said...

I think it was actually Ragu or boxed wine that shot out of his nose. She also starred in The Jackal, the movie where Bruce Willis makes out with a dude.

Zombie Ree said...

And in this movie, the guy who plays the astronaut makes out with Patrick Stewart. Amazing.

Oh, there are a few notable zombie kills in the movie. One is when one of the zombies who jumps onto the helicopter tears it's own hand off and falls to the ground (probably didn't kills it), and the other one is when the lame SAS guy hits one with his car and chunks of meat hit the windshield.