Friday, February 20, 2009

Nazi Zombies in the Snow

Pursuant to Bud the Chud's comment concerning Nazi zombies in the snow on the hallowed Sci-FI, it may be that he was thinking of Dead Snow. The trailer may be more easily viewed on youtube.

To explain, the misguided choice of Zombie Lake was driven by Dead Snow's non-availability from Netflix. Zombie Lake, at the very least, provided the requisite fix for zombies and Nazis.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Zombie Stripper Nazis

February is double feature month for The Fresh Brains club, so here we go...

Zombie Lake (1980) Le Lac des morts vivants

“During World War II, a group of villagers ambushed and defeated a band of German soldiers and threw their bodies in the nearby lake. Now, the Nazis have returned as angry zombies, preying on unsuspecting teenage female swimmers and skinny-dippers. The town mayor (Howard Vernon) doesn't know what to do, but a young girl may hold a crucial secret. Cult director Jean Rollin (The Naked Vampire) helmed this infamous horror film.”

With a lead like that and a poster that is a work of true zombie art, my expectations were high. That the first full seven minutes of this film are nothing but a naked woman futzing about in a lake bolstered my confidence. The first appearance of the “zombies”, however, revealed this shit stuffed rotting donkey carcass of a movie for what it really was, an abomination against God and everything Night of the Living Dead stands for. There's B-movie bad, so-bad-it's-good bad, there's unwatchable mess bad (ala Sweet Sweetback's Baadasssss Song), and now there's Zombie Lake fucking awful. There's makeup falling off zombies, underwater scenes shot in what appears to be an above ground pool, horrific dubbing, and gore that goes little beyond ketchup packets and munching noises. There's a plot, I suppose, revolving around the “head” “zombie”, who, before becoming a zombie (no clear details on the particulars), bones a local French woman, she gets pregnant, and the daughter plays an integral role in the destruction of the zombies, I guess. I can't be much more specific. I fast forwarded through most of it. That said, Boobs. In addition to the opening sequence, a soccer team of women pile out of a bus, strip, frolic, and are promptly munched to death. Also, there is a gratuitously long scene wherein the chief pre-zombie Nazi bones the chick to produce the offspring who will eventually bring about his doom. I guess that's irony.

Overall: WTF?!?!/5 brains
Acting: brick/5 brains
Plot: 0/5 brains
Gore: ketchup/5 brains
Boobs:4/5 brains

Zombie Strippers (2008), "Zombies, shit."

This stunningly brilliant piece of cinema belongs in the pantheon of motion pictures. It contains philosophy, existentialism, ontological pondering, social commentary, political satire, that guy who plays Freddy Kruger, Jenna Jameson, one shit tonne of boobs, and zombies. Awesome fucking zombies. Look, there's this plot and stuff happens. None of that matters. The first half of the movie is pretty much strippers dancing. They become zombies. The second half of the movie is those same strippers dancing, and now they're zombies. The action crescendos to a glorious climax when the pair of alpha zombie strippers square off in a battle royal featuring techniques typically reserved for Thailand. The gore is abundant and beautiful. The film weaves a tangled web of plot and drama that draws you in and holds you tight. You can practically smell the stripper vanilla. I laughed, I cried, I saw the zombie soul laid bare. When (not if) Ms. Jameson deservedly wins her Oscar, the clips they show will all come from Zombie Strippers.

Overall: 4.9/5 fresh brains
Acting: 4.9/5 fresh brains
Plot: 4.9/5 fresh brains
Gore: 4.9/5 fresh brains
Boobs: Boner/5 Zombie boners

Sorry this got long. There's so much to say when one touches either end of the zombie universe.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Economist Cover

The Economist has a zombie hand on it's cover. Somehow, Barack Obama and the financial crisis are going to result in reanimated dead. This is amazing.

Lifeforce (1985) directed by Tobe Hooper

This is posted for Isphording. We will deal with his tardiness later, but we need to get back on track. DJBJ, you're up for February. Let's get moving.

Well, as you can see, I'm not the best blogger. Here is what I can come up with...please post for record of gmail can be found. As I say, I'm just not a blogger. Synopsis:Astronauts find an alien spaceship in outer space with the 3 lifeforms in cryogenic lock. Taking the lifeforms back to merry ol' England the aliens do considerable damage on the local population....millons are turned into zombies. Proving that love conquers all the human astronaut joins spirits with the evil alien/vampire to bring about both of their destruction.

Character flaws:The lead male character might be too horny...the girl he keeps going after is turning the entire English countryside into about having baggage. Zombie defense moves:If you ever riding a helicopotor with Captain Jean Luc Picard of the Star Trek Enterprise and he starts turning into a zombie...consider jumping out of the helicopter as your defense.

Personal Comments:Reasons why Lifeforce (1985) directed by Tobe Hooper is awesome:

1. The she-alien vampire is hot and is naked most of the movie.
2. Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Star Trek Enterprise is in this movie.
3. It expands the zombie family tree This movie transcends cinema genres...horror, drama, romance, soft-core porn...and within the horror genre it crosses subgenres...aliens, vampires, zombies, soft-core porn...which makes a movie a like this have something for everyone.

HOWEVER, that being said, we are members of the esteemed "Fresh Brains Club". Not the "Bloody Fangs Club" or the "It came from outer space" club. So, to a point, is Lifeforce a Zombie movie? Humanoids do roam the steets of England in a similar manner as traditional zombies (i.e., generally mindless, various degrees of speed, hungry for flesh), but are the Lifeforce "zombies" really "zombies". Or are they lifeless vampire humanoids...and does that quailfy? Without splitting hairs, I would argue that it does qualify as a zombie movie, as well as a alien movie, and as a vampire movie. If this movie were reality and a movie like "Night of the Living Dead" was reality and the "zombies" from each were to cross paths with eachother I do not believe they would attack eachother because they would recognize eachother as zombie-kin...maybe not as close as brothers, but possibly as cousins. I hope you all enjoyed this different film with a zombie flair. I know I did.

Overall: 3/5 brains
Acting:3/5 brains
Plot: 4/5 brains
Gore:3/5 brains
Boobs:5/5 brains